


Boat

by grapenight



Series: Rope [2]
Category: Panic! at the Disco
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-04-08
Updated: 2013-04-08
Packaged: 2017-12-07 20:37:24
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,200
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/752845
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/grapenight/pseuds/grapenight
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Normal was waking up, participating in mandatory activities and games that were never fun. Normal was at least one person going into a fit everyday. Normal was Brendon during free time and dinner. Normal was Brendon's smile and the laugh that accompanied it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Boat

Ryan's life had evened out by now, he had a sense of normal. Normal was waking up, participating in mandatory activities and games that were never fun. Normal was at least one person going into a fit everyday. Normal was Brendon during free time and dinner. Normal was Brendon's smile and the laugh that accompanied it. He was okay with his normal now.

He thought he was getting better. There was still a huge mess locked inside his brain, tucked safely away, but some things were working out. He felt happier, and he felt safe. But none of this was due to the institution, it was all because of Brendon. He let them think they were doing their jobs, though, because then he might be able to get out faster.

Fits were common, but Ryan had yet to have one. He was never very open about his problems, so whenever he was freaking out, he was able to conceal it nicely. He thought he would never turn into one of the crazies, crazier than the rest of them, hauled of to isolation for god knows how long. He would never sink down to that, no matter how crazy he was said to be. William had gone there before, but he didn't seem to mind at all.

Where Ryan was closed about his problems, William was extremely open. He would tell the mailman what was bothering him that day, if he was actually ever around mailman. He wasn't afraid of having his thoughts out in the open.

As different as the boys were, they got along fairly well. Brendon was a big help with that, because he could get along with anyone, but even when Brendon went home, back into the normal world, Ryan and William would get along.

Their friendship is why he was the first one to help Ryan when he finally did have his fit, like everyone did at some point. It would have been Brendon to help, but then again, if Brendon was there, Ryan would never had a problem. It was Brendon's absence that led to the issue in the first place.

Everything had been normal, William and Ryan had been sitting during free time, doing a lot of nothing. Ryan kept glancing at the door, but William hadn't noticed. He only noticed when Ryan started shaking.

"Ryan?" William asked as he noticed the thin boy's body shaking. "Hey, Ryan, are you okay?"

Ryan shook his head, and whispered, "Brendon's not here. He's always here. And if he isn't here he would've told me why. Does he not like me anymore? He got sick of the crazy kid, he can't deal with me anymore."

William tried to calm Ryan down, but it was no use. Ryan kept going on about how stupid he was, and how Brendon could never really love him. The nurses noticed his breakdown before William could calm him down.

Ryan cried as they drug him off, his sobs occasionally turning into "Brendon" or "he hates me". 

He was placed in a room, a nice, clean, boring room, and a calming voice talked to him over the speaker system. it didn't work, it just made him more upset. He didn't need them with their kind, weak lies. He needed Brendon's beautiful voice, carrying hopeful promises about how he would be okay. He needed Brendon hugging him, pulling him to him, to feel him around him. That's what Ryan needed.

Brendon never did show up that day, but he did come the next day. When he got there Ryan was nowhere to be found. Brendon did eventually find William though, and he was filled in with the details of what had occurred yesterday.

"Oh, shit, I should have called, I didn't even think of that. i couldn't come because my parents were pissed, I would've been here if I could have," Brendon informed William.

"I know, dude," William said, "But Ryan doesn't, he's sure you hate him."

Brendon's heart was breaking at the words, and he knew he had to talk to Ryan. He found the first nurse he saw and demanded to be allowed to see Ryan.

"I'm sorry, dear, but that's not allowed," The nurse said.

Brendon wasn't taking no for an answer. "He's not going to get better, not without me. Please, just let me talk to him, let me tell him I don't hate him, he needs me, I'm all he has. He was doing so well, just please let me talk to him."

The nurse sighed, and looked around them. "I am not allowed to do this, but that boy needs you, I know it. He's always wonderful, at least when you're around. I won't let you do this again, but just this once."

She led Brendon down hallways he had never been before, and finally stopped in front of a locked door with a tiny window on it. "I'll let you in, but you only get five minutes, I can't let anyone see."

Brendon nodded and thanked her, and then she unlocked the door and he scurried in.

Ryan was curled on his side, staring at the wall. He looked so broken, and so much smaller than Brendon had ever seen him before. Brendon hurried to the bed and climbed in behind him, immediately wrapping his arms around Ryan.

Ryan stiffened with confusion, and anger, but Brendon quickly whispered assuring words to him.

"It's okay, Ryan, it's okay. It's just me, Brendon. I'm here, honey, don't worry, please, calm down," Brendon said softly into Ryan's ear. The words worked wonderfully, and Ryan could feel himself calm down immediately.

"I'm sorry I wasn't here, it wasn't because of you though, never think that. I would have been here, I promise," Brendon continued.

Ryan turned around to face him, and Brendon saw how his eyes were lined with red from crying for so long. "So you don't hate me? You're not sick of what a freak I am?"

"No, not at all, don't ever think that, Ryan, never. I love you, okay?"

Ryan nodded, already feeling much better. Brendon had to leave soon after that, but he promised Ryan he would be there the next day, and Ryan promised that he would be out of isolation by then.

They both kept their promises, and the next day, things were back to normal. Ryan's normal, at least, because his life didn't really meet any definition of normal anymore.

Ryan's breakdown had opened up all the emotions that he had hidden from himself, and while he was worse after that, he was on his way to getting better, truly better, after that. It took time, and a lot of help from Brendon, the nurses, and his therapist, but Ryan was getting better.

One day, during free time, Ryan and Brendon sat together by a window, and Brendon's arms were wrapped around Ryan. They looked out at everything that was happening outside.

"Do you think I'll be out there again sometime?" Ryan asked quietly.

"Definitely," Brendon replied confidently. he had no doubts that Ryan would get out, and when he did, he would be there to help him in the real world too.

**Author's Note:**

> Wow, I wrote Rope a couple months ago, but just today I decided to write a sequel to it. I think I'm going to write one last part after this, so if anyone likes this, you can look forward to that!


End file.
